SUICIDE!

Every now and again I read something where someone sounds suicidal or an article about suicide or heck in the Marines we have annual suicide awareness training.

As I understand it; most people at some point in their lives have some kind of suicidal thoughts. I guess I had more of a tendency towards homicidal thoughts, not that I think that is better or anything. But I can understand how a person might want to end their life even if I don’t agree with it and could never condone it except under the rarest of circumstances.

I am ok with for example a person with a painful and terminal cancer, having made peace with his or her life, squared away worldly affairs and all that, ending their life. That’s fine.

What I have a hard time dealing with, is when a person with all of their compound reasons decides to “take the easy way out.”

I could say that’s cheating. And yeah, it is usually pretty unfair to those around you too unless you happen to be in the situation above.

The ripple effect of your actions can be really harmful to others for one. Who is going to clean up your mess? What about the person who discovers your corpse? The people who have to sort through your things who probably loved you… It can go on and on.

And what about the potential lost? Yes, the suicidal person might be suffering at the moment and feel overwhelmed and it might feel like the world is shoveling dirt on your head but that is how we grow and become stronger. By overcoming the suffering you incur over and over again you can become wiser and more powerful. So as the dirt gets shoveled on your head just shake it off, tamp it down under your feet, and guess what, you’re a few centimeters taller now.

I know to someone who is considering suicide that sounds a lot easier said than done.
But I firmly believe that everyone can be useful and that suicide robs the individual and those around that individual from the possibility of growth. The posibility for knowing the joy of appreciation for thinge even as they are.

To get into what some might think is hocus pocus stuff, what about what happens after you die? Most people will tell you they just don’t know. Some research has said that the consciousness goes on after the brain is dead. So if that is true, and you kill yourself in an angry agitated state, will your consciousness go on in an angry agitated state? Woah. Maybe that is what hell is eh? And if you are an old school Buddhist who accepts the possibility of rebirth, heck the human realm is where it is at, the place we are most likely to take the Buddha’s path to enlightenment.

Any way, if you’re thinking about offing yourself, please take a break from those thoughts and call The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK it is a suicide prevention network of 132 crisis centers in the United States, that provides a 24-hour, toll-free hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. After dialing 1-800-273-TALK, the caller is routed to their nearest crisis center to receive immediate counseling and local mental health referrals. The Lifeline supports people who call for themselves or someone they care about.

BOOGER

Boogers happen. That I can not reject.
From time to time everyone is going to have a booger and it may peek out or even hang from the tip of ones nose.

Now the polite thing to do is take someone aside and let them know about the booger privately, perhaps even offer them a tissue. I would not go so far as to wipe someone’s nose for them unless they were simply unable to do so for them selves, for example the booger appearing on the nose of a young child or an old and feeble person.

Normally I am not one to point and yell booger in a crowded auditorium.
That kind of action seems to have all kinds of strange effects. Particularly in small groups where someone might be particularly attached to the person with the booger.
Or the person for some strange reason is fond of the booger.

Some might simply agree, yes there is a booger there, please remove it.
Others may laugh or even jeer causing pain to the person with the booger.
Others will perhaps out of kindness, or obliviousness, ignore the booger.
Some really deluded people may begin to worship the booger as if the booger was something that should be praised.

Now the person with the booger upon being made aware of the booger has a lot of different choices to make.

Does he remove the booger, in effect admitting he had a booger in the first place?
Dose he deny that there is a booger there?
Dose he simply accept that there is a booger, but just allow it to simply hang off his nose?
Dose he begin some sort of strange booger cult where people praise the booger?

What of the person pointing out the booger?

If his pointing out the booger helps someone to realize that they have a booger he will feel like he has done a good service for a friend.
If the fact that a booger is there is denied he may be confused.
If the booger is treated indifferently than he may get angry.
If he sees a strange booger cult developing he may just walk (or run) away.

Now I think the proper action would be for one to remove the booger.
However in some strange circles it seems that praising the booger and venerating it as an object of worship is the hip thing to do.

Good friends, do not be deluded about boogers. If someone out of grandmotherly compassion points out a booger to you, please have the sense to remove it.

Please never venerate my boogers, but instead privately explain to me that I have a booger and should take care of it. If you are sensitive about your boogers and I have pointed them out to you in the past or do so in the future, please do not reject the fact that there is still a booger to deal with.

Relationship Meditation

The holidays often seem to bring out relationship issues with the people we care about.


Caring is bad…

Ok, it is fine to care. But sometimes when we care deeply about something and that thing is not going our way our reptilian brain takes over and it resorts to anger.

Anger is OK, it is not the real problem. The problem comes in when we allow it to override our rational brain, and we fail to restrain that anger. You see, I think we have to train both of these together.

I can not seem to escape Buddhist law. I don’t think anyone can. If I felt differently I don’t think I could call myself a Buddhist Zealot.
So here is the deal, you (or what you think of as you) are going to die.

Let that sink in for a moment. Reading this can wait. Sit with it, go on, and come back here in a bit.

Those closest to you are going to die too. Pick someone close to you. Sit with that, sit with them lying down, decomposing, showing bone, falling apart, and flesh falls away from the bones, bones bleaching, and eventually turning to dust.

I know it is gruesome. Go sit with it anyway.

Go on now, do it, hate me later.

I totally freaked out when I had the vision above unexpectedly play out in my head with my then three year old daughter in the role of the corpse. It sucked. A good friend told me I should look for the teaching in that. I spat back that I already understood impermanence! She said; what about attachment? Yeah. Expletive deleted. That hit me pretty hard. I am totally attached to the ones I love. I do not think that is a big problem though.

The problem arises when we expect a person we care greatly about to behave in ways that they are not behaving in.
We care and want to hold them close, and they squirm to get away. We care and try to push them into roles or situations that they are not ready for or otherwise are resistant to and they become resentful. What do we do? Naturally we get angry! My (insert loved one here) dose not understand the importance of such and such!

expletive deleted!

14, 40, 65 age dose not make much of a difference, we get conditioned by our own (faulty)feelings and have a hard time breaking away from them. And of course our own “faulty sensory perception” (thanks Mike C) exasperates(read may be the cause of) the problem of this conditioning.

How do I modify the behaviors of this person to meet my perception of how they respond?

Don’t.

What?

Nope.

You see, that person, is not yours to change. You can advise and encourage. But you’re not going to do that with a stick. You just make them smarter at doing whatever it is that you don’t want them to do. The American prison system is a good example of that. Person “A” committed a crime so we punish them by locking them up with a bunch of people that have also committed crimes. We create a criminal university, hooray! Extreme example I know. But that is an example of how we think. We want to protect the rest of the herd by excluding those who do harmful things, without examining the cause or trying to be compassionate to their needs.

So what do we do?

I contributed ½ the DNA for my girls. I say “My girls” but really they are not mine at all. I don’t own them. I am by law, responsible for them. But even that is indicative of our wrong outlook. How can we be responsible for a sentient being? We can’t. We are responsible too them. Wrap your mind around that for a bit. We are responsible too them.

Interestingly, if we investigate the word responsible we find it is rooted in “Respond.”

So what do we do?

Respond.

Respond with love. Respond with compassion. Perhaps most importantly respond with empathy, understanding, and appreciation.

It is really a precious thing to come into this world as a human being.
Do not waste this opportunity.



"We're Only Gonna Die From Our Own Arrogance"

Early man walked away as modern man took control.
Their minds weren't all the same, to conquer was his big goal,
So he built his great empire and slaughtered his own kind,
Then he died a confused man, killed himself with his own mind.
Go!
[x3]
We're only gonna die from our own arrogance. [x4]

Zen Sickness

There is a growing cancer over in the HCZ comments section that I enjoy for my regular dose of voyeuristic zentertainment. Human beings never have this problem. It is a special hell for demons and ghosts. It is symptomatic of what happens when a worthless skin bag latches on to teachings but not what is being taught.

People are passing off sayings as Buddhist teachings that are just flat out wrong.
A friend of mine labeled it Nihilism. I think that is as accurate as you can get for the condition. The symptoms include someone saying stupid things like “I do not exist” or “you do not exist.” These are the same skin bags that say that the goal of Zen practice is to “Slay the ego” and garbage like that. I think this is why teaching Buddhism on the internet is a challenge I would prefer to leave to others.

The compassionate thing to do in a face to face setting with some rice bag that says “You do not exist” might be to punch this person square in the nose. Then I could ask, dose your nose exist?

If I try to look at the expression says “You do not exist” in my most accepting frame of mind I might say that it is an incomplete teaching. If someone said, “your concept of self dose not exist”, I might say, that is a little more complete. But it’s still missing the mark. The concept of nihilism is still dualistic.

I am hoping a scripture master will address this soon. In the mean time I have to get back to work.

Be!
Jordan

Happy Independence Day

Please read the whole thing, out loud, in front of as many people as possible. IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776 The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America when in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world. He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good. He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them. He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only. He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures. He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people. He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within. He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands. He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers. He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries. He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance. He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures. He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power. He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation: For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us: For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States: For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world: For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent: For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury: For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences: For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments: For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever. He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us. He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people. He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation. He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands. He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions. In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people. Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends. We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor. — John Hancock New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samuel Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton

Ignorance

In seeing ignorance I can become unsettled. When people make statements without examining the truth I can become Asura. Hostilities are never ended through hostilities, recognizing this as a truth, I try to remain calm, it dose not always work. Breathe, relax, and focus on the front site tip, not the target. If you focus on the target you will rarely hit it anyway. Pay attention to what you are doing and the way you are doing it, not the end state. Let others worry about that. Do what needs doing and get out of the way.

Ignorance is my friend, has been for a long time. Accepting that I am ignorant allows me to receive data in, and gain a better understanding of circumstances. If I reject my own ignorance I become hardened and inflexible, like an egg shell, I could crack easily. Soft and flexible is best.

Be well and happy,
Jordan

Happy measurement

Good by my old friend I will never know you again. Hello my new friend, it is nice to see you again.

The old year is almost over. A sizable chuck of the world is making a big deal about the new year. When I examine this concept I find it a bit hard to swallow. A year is just a measurement of time. The only time that really exists is now. So why do people make a big deal over a measurement of something that is not even real. Meanwhile we squander away the present moment contemplating our regrets of the past measurement and our desires for the new measurement. We resolve to do something different in the new measurement! Why should it take the new measurement to do something better or different? This seems shallow and insincere to me. Be the change now whenever that moment happens to fall.

Tonight I will were a silly hat, make noise and witness the beginning of a new measurement with my family. In just a moment I am going to sit in the lotus posture and stare at the wall for a while.

Happy new measurement to all!
Jordan

Re-birth?

I don’t get on e-sangha much but according to multiple threads on the Treeleaf Zendo forum there was much ado about rebirth…

First thing I thought up was: If there is no such thing as birth or death, how can there be re-birth?

For my two bits, I believe that we are born and die each moment. so yes we have a constant cycle of rebirth. But your ego might not recognize it. Even before the “you” that your ego recognizes was ever around the stuff that makes you up was here. And long after anything that could be recognized as you is around (you decompose) the stuff that made you up will still be here and get incorporated into something else.

So yes we are constantly reborn, the you that existed before you read this little tidbit is already dead. Now in this moment you are reborn, woops, your dead again…oh look at that your reborn, ad nausea. But at the same time you were always here, and always will be. Take that Dogma!

What really matters though is Karma, that is your lasting impression on the world. But I have not gotten enough sleep to go into that right now.

May you be well and happy,
Jordan

Use Your Own Voice!

I Quote a lot of old dead guys, I love to make comments and read commentaries on the classics of Zen. But everyone needs to have there own spark. If you do not have your own voice than your practice is not alive. If all you can ever do is repeat the same old stuff you may as well be in a cult. This is why I love to read peoples practice blogs. That is where Zen is alive, not in some dusty old book. Keep that in mind while I continue to do commentaries and quote old dead guys and be totally un-original.

Take care,
Jordan

Do not doubt it!

This is likely to be a bit controversial. And admittedly a year or so ago I would have not bought in to this at all. So if you think I am off my meds I assure you that I was never on any. Skepticisms is not always a bad thing. But I think it can be over done. Lately I tend to think that the balance has been shifting toward skepticism. Which, I even encourage it to a large degree, go ahead be skeptical, that’s ok. But when something is repeated too much it has a danger of becoming belief based on dogma and not real experience.

There are a few Buddhist teachers denying The Big “E”, or enlightenment. I am going to tell you that this is something I can no longer get behind. What makes this even more difficult for me to express it that I want to tell you in my own words, not relying on old dead guys like I so often do.

I am also tempted to attack the beliefs of others. Or to at least use some example of something familiar, but that is not really a nice thing to do either and in realizing this I can stop.

Here is the *real deal* You are enlightened! You are also very special. You may also be quite deluded. But you were not that way originally. Originally you are enlightened. You just picked up a whole bunch of delusion along your way to where you are now. Now, here is something else to chew on. So is everyone else! Like a snowflake your enlightenment is different than mine, like snow it is all pretty much the same too.

Unfortunately ,most folks can not really handle the “idea” of enlightenment, They think it is some great mystical thing, or something they are not worthy of. This is all because of conditioning. As a result of conditioning people enter in to a state of denial. Why? Because most people do not want to be responsible for their own suffering! That is right. You are responsible. You are responsible for your own happiness too. The really sad part of this is that we really knew all of this all along. We just love to be addicted to that state of denial. It is easier to say, “It is not” than to try and prove “It is!”

What is enlightenment? Oh help me wictionary please! :

enlightenment (uncountable)
1. An act of enlightening, or the state of being enlightened or instructed.
2. A concept in religious mysticism, philosophy and psychology related to achieving clarity of perception, reason and knowledge.

OK, well that is not much help is it? Definitely not a concept! I am talking about something real.. Clarity of perception, reason and knowledge? Sounds pretty, and I think it is fairly close. But not always true. I take particular issue with the knowledge part. I think folks have a tendency to believe that means all knowing or some garbage, even though the man himself indicated otherwise.

So the definition is shady at best, where is the proof? I guess it is in the pudding. Actually, I can not prove any of this. If you can, please enlighten me!

Dose that make this a belief?
Sure! But it is also not one to fight over or squabble about. Not everyone is going to see the same thing the same way.

Dose this make you infallible?
Nope, sorry save that one for the cult of idealism.

Dose it change who you are?
Maybe, gradually, as you let go of your addictions and take responsibility for your actions and your reactions.

Dose this make you an authority figure?
Nope, the only authority anyone ever has is that which you give to them (I think someone else said that once but I guess that is one of my core principals.)

Dose this mean you don’t have to practice anymore?
Nope! Practice and experience is continuous.

Do you need some validation?
Nope, why would you?

What should you do now that you know you are enlightened?
Heck, you’re the enlightened one; go figure it out for yourself. My advice: There is this thing called intuition that you should probably practice developing for a while, that should tell you what to do.


These are just words that reflect how I feel right now.
I hope you have found my thought doodles entertaining or otherwise useful.
May you be well and happy!
Jordan

Be nice to each other! And be sincere!

There have been a few folks out in the blogosphere talking about some subjects near and deer to me, so I put up a couple of Master Dogen’s old talks on the subject below. I feel like a broken record on this but since I see it keep coming up maybe the right thing to do is just rehash it.

Kind Speech & Love words, I feel are really at the heart of Buddhism, Right up there with Zazen*! I know that is a bold statement but here me out. Our main way of interacting with others is through communication, Here it is written, but it could be through speaking or other actions as well. Zazen* is a great practice, but while you may be able to plunge into it and get to the truth about reality, most folks are not ready, willing or able to do that yet. So clearly we should not be adding to suffering by making matters worse by acting superior or speaking down to others, belittling them. Instead try to raise them up if you can, or say nothing if you can’t.

There are exceptions! Sometimes, particularly when someone (like me) is particularly deluded, some harsh words might be in order to get someone to wake the heck up. But great care and compassion should be taken in that effort, because regardless of your intent, what comes around usually goes around.


May all be well and happy,
Jordan


* I acknowledge that others may have other practices that may be different, Zazen dose it for me.

Kind Speech

“Kind Speech” means, when meeting with living beings, first of all to feel compassion for them and to offer caring and loving words.
Broadly, it is there being no rude or bad words. In secular societies there are polite words “take good care of yourself!” and there is the disciple’s greeting”how are you?” Speaking with the feeling of “compassion for living beings as if they were babies” is kind speech. We should praise those who have virtue and should pity those who lack virtue. Through love of kind speech, kind speech is gradually nurtured. Thus, kind speech which is ordinarily neither recognized nor experienced manifests itself before us. While the present body and life exists we should enjoy kind speech, and we should not regress or deviate through many ages and many lives. Weather in defeating adversaries or in promoting harmony among gentlefolk, kind speech is fundamental. To hear kind speech indirectly etched an impression in the heart and in the soul. Remember, kind speech arises from a loving mind, and the seed of a loving mind is compassion. We should learn that kind speech has the power to turn around the heavens; it is not merely the praise of ability.

-excerpt from: Shobogenzo, Bodisatta-shishobo- Master Dogen-
Translated by Master Gudo Wafu Nishijima and Chodo Cross

Suffering

I seem to be getting sick more often. Pushing the body too hard maybe.
Last night I had stuff coming out of both ends. It was not pretty.

I could not do Zazen, so I did some bedzen and practiced the meditation of following the breath.

My consideration drifted to suffering. I wonder if being sick is necessarily suffering. I do not think so now. When I was doing the breath meditation I was not suffering at all. I was still most definitely sick, I was just breathing. Had I wanted to do anything but just lay there and breath, than I think I would have been suffering.

I know I often drift back to the Noble Eightfold Path and Four Noble truths in this blog. Maybe this hearkens to by roots as a fundamentalist I do not know for sure.

Some folks do not appear to be interested in what I think is the most important teaching. Weather Buddhism is a personality cult or not I still value that first sermon most. Buddhism is not about enlightenment. It never has been. The people chasing after it will never find anything but delusion within delusion. That is not to say that there is no enlightenment. But it is never something to seek. The "truth" is that there is only enlightened action. We preform that action throughout our delusion. We refine it through our actions. We may even be lucky enough to wake up to our own delusion. That enlightenment people are seeking is just taking a walk down that Noble eightfold path. Realizing your suffering for what it is, attachment to your desire for things to be different than they are. This is a practice of letting go... Or at least that is how I feel at this moment.

May you be well and happy.
Jordan