Yeah, I'm playing with that title.  Sometimes anonymous readers don't seem to get when I am playing.  So I wanted to make that perfectly clear up front.  I like playing.  This is made more confusing to most due to my oddball sense of humor.  Deal.  This post is just playing.

Anyway, the title is about that feeling I have when something that is coming up in the need future, but not here yet is in my thought process.  The big "R" word… Retirement.  I am still a couple of months off from "dropping my papers" although I am eligible to at any time.  But the desire to just say F-it and drop them the next work day wells up more and more often.   The thing is, it would not do any good.  I still will have to finish my tour in hell Okinawa.   So I am a little resentful at that feeling of anticipation for welling up.  

One more boat ride, knock on wood (not that I am superstitious), and it is all over but the movement from hell Okinawa back to the states.

I know a lot of people who seem to enjoy hell Okinawa, I have not been one of them.  It has not been about the place so much, I don't hold anything against the denizens of hell Okinawa but just the situations I have found myself in sine I have been here have been less than pleasant and I am more than ready to leave.

I am scared poop-less about the prospect of retirement.  Having spent the last 20+ years in the institution, one tends to become institutionalized.  And despite my natural resistance to it, I have suffered some of those effects.  It may be a bit like stockholm syndrome in a way.  But it is time to make the leap.

This is life.  A series of leaps.  Gaps exist between each leap.  That is why we have to leap.  I used to take big leaps.  Now, it is much more difficult to do that.  So I admire that younger self.  And resent that older self that hesitates to leap.  Maybe I will drop those papers sooner rather than later.


Kōgen 光現 Dito-Keith said...

Good God Man! You sure do seem to be on a float every 3-6 months! What is this MOS that makes you float so much?

My Dad retired after 21 years right at they were about to send him BACK to Okinowa. He expressed your sentiments as well.

SlowZen said...

It isn't the Job, it is the 31st MEU. Most people only do 6 months… I got a three year tour. Probably the monitors idea of payback for my four years not deploying from Portland when everyone else was out to Iraq and Afghanistan.

Sean said...

Jordan! Greetings from another hell^H^H^H^H place!

Respectfully, I wonder, does Buddha live in an institution? If Buddha does not live in an institution, does Buddha cease to live in an institution? Names and forms...

I've asked myself, Does Buddha live in the monastery? but all I've seen of those are statues and people sitting.... in photos. I've heard, too, that every person is Buddha - still trying to grok that...

As for this layman, I've been looking for Buddha under rocks and twigs, but I haven't found him there either - but Buddha is definitely not in sour grapes, I can personally attest to that, with chagrin. I think I'll go check another rock...


SlowZen said...

I appreciate what your doing there.

But I keep in mind that you may not be seeing clearly. The sense perceptions tend to be imperfect.

I am not saying Buddhas are in a particular location and I am not saying they are not.

And it isn't like a game of where's Waldo.

And don't go around killing buddhas. It is cliche.

All the best,

Thanks for looking!