SlowZen... Again

HAPPY BIRTHDAY U.S.M.C.

2009-11-06T15:52:00.001-08:00

As I write this I’m getting ready for the Marine Corps birthday ball. The Battalion is celebrating tonight, although the actual Birth date is 10 November 1775. My old Dress Blues are set up in their splendor. On a hanger suspended from a hook on the back of my office door. Not a lot of medals for 18 years, a sign of a pretty easy career. Not that I had that in mind when I signed up. It just worked out that way despite my own efforts to get into the fight even early on when we were only fighting “Small” wars.

This is my last Ball with this unit.

Eighteen days from now I’ll be checked out and awaiting a trip to Okinawa, which is a total unknown for me. This will be my 8th permanent change of station in 18 years. I guess I should be used to moving around.

But it is a little different this time. I let myself get attached to this place. Kind of odd I guess. Since it is here where I developed my Zen practice the most, a practice that eschews attachments.

Very human. Another thing I am not accustom to. Is that demon dead? Or just buried?

When is the last time I felt genuinely angry? Or at least held on to my anger and resentment?

Quiet now. Everyone is off deck to get their dates, and change over into their best.

My wife isn’t coming. She went to the first one with this unit. I suppose that was enough for her. Not much fun if you feel excluded. When I mentioned it this morning I think I saw a hint of regret at not going though. Maybe she’ll go to the next one with the next unit. But why speculate? I think she’s been adrift from the Marine Corps family for a while.

Enough of my blathering, time to get dressed.

CONTENTMENT

2009-11-03T15:06:00.001-08:00

There is a line from the Pali Cannon, repeated else ware if I recall, that goes something like "Contentment is the Highest Joy."

I guess my current perspective on it doesn't quite match that. Or maybe I'm discontent with contentment. Having been in and out of boundless joy for a fewyears now I have always thought that what I was going in and out of was melancholy or mild depression. As a youth I was often susceptible to those kinds of experience so I figured it was just a continuation of that theme.

This time, well a little bit ago actually, I decided that instead of try and get back to that joy joy place I just accepted and kind of explored the experience. Of course this was with the usual bit of a tint of that "Why?" and "What's this?" lingering in my brain housing unit. I suppose the cliché that I rediscovered was that nothing was lacking. You read and understand when people say everything is "Complete" and want to get there, but when you do you might be disappointed.

That said I think I should clarify that there is by no means a sense that everything is just fine as it is and there is still a sense that some things are inadequate. For example while traveling I went to a hotel without adequate sound baffles (the sound baffles are common to the hotel chain I frequent, that's why I frequent it.) and from the floor above me it sounded as if there were a group of elephants doing wind sprints. Or the "Japanese Style Steak" I ordered in South Bend Indiana which turned out to be an American style steak chopped into one inch cubes.

Contentment also does not appear to be conducive to writing for me at this time.

Largely I think that everything I am writing about here has been written about by someone else, likely with better grammar and punctuation.

On the other hand contentment, the way I see it, seems to be conductive for equanimity, poise, self control, calmness, composure, or whatever else you may want to call it. This comes at a good time for me as I have a lot of big rocks to chip away at. Moving, Doctors appointments, selling the house, applying for homeowners assistance, on top of the everyday, plus trying to close out business at work for a smooth turnover.

There are some other things I not sure if I can quite express clearly right now, mostly introspective stuff in how I deal/don't deal with relationships. Kind of has to do with saying what people need to hear rather than blathering on about my own analysis and conclusions. I guess in a way it feels a little dishonest when I don't go straight for the end that I want to gain and instead work in increments.

Anyhow that's enough for a lunch break email update.

FLOWING

2009-10-11T13:03:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I have brief periods of time where things, for lack of a better expression, are just as they are. Of course in writing this that period of time might be over, and maybe a bit of melancholy settles in.

The chest puffs up, the neck gets tight, I am sure that I am "right."

Then the words of that old ancestor Dogen are remembered.

Soft and flexible mind.

And I reflect on my condition and say, this is not it!

DO PEOPLE HAVE A DOGGIE NATURE?

2009-10-10T07:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday afternoon the Marines were released early for the Columbus day weekend.

When I arrived home the wife and I not so quickly got the kids ready to go out shopping in order to get it done with for the weekend so we could spend those full days working on maintaining the house and lawn and whatnot.

So we stopped at a fast food point for a snack, made the journey over the bridge, went to the Japanese market, Trader Joe's, and because the time did not so good for trying to face traffic heading back north, we made a stop off at church. All in all it took a good half of a day from us leaving the house to getting back.

When we arrived home, There was a gift waiting for us. It had a distinct oder to it. It was certainly unexpected. The dog had pooped on the floor. conveniently on top of a cleaning rag that he had found somewhere. My first instinct was to check the back door, it was open and he could have gone out to poo if he needed too. Next I looked at the poo, to see if the dog might be sick. You can tell a lot about health by observing your poo you know. But the poo appeared to be healthy.

Finally I realized what the problem was. The dog knows, that if he poops on the floor that this is not acceptable behavior. He knows it is stinky. He knows it is messy. he knows it is a bit rude. he knows that people may be shocked to see poop on their living room floor. he also knows that this will get him attention. And negative attention is better than no attention at all.

Now I know not everyone has a dog. But a lot of us still have to deal with dog poop. This dog poop has numerous miraculous forms. It may be a problem Marine, or a seemingly angry spouse, or a vulgar Buddhist blogger. But all of these things often have the same root cause. They have experienced a lack of attention. And therefore are expressing their dissatisfaction by shitting on your living room floor. My prescription is to put the poop in the toilet and flush it away, or better burry it in the yard and work it into your garden, and then give some loving attention to the source of the poop whatever that might be.

Stepping out of the saturday morning bubble of pretentiousness, and getting back to work,

Jordan

GREAT HEART OF WISDOM

2009-10-05T11:08:00.000-07:00

GREAT HEART OF WISDOM

Another e-mail post please excuse the formatting.

On that note, if anyone would like to volunteer to be an unpaid editor of this blog, the position is open…

In the Shobogenzo Bendowa there is a line that some people latch on to that goes something like: We no longer need to read or recite Sutras, make prostrations, light incense. There is a lot of this kind of sentiment that arose out of my father's generation of western Buddhists. There is even a story in a book I recently read (Zen Ritual) that talks of a couple of westerners (of my fathers age) visiting a Zen temple and were shocked when their ideas of iconoclastic monks of spitting or pissing on Buddhist statues, using them as firewood,etcetera were totally smashed when following the abbot around while making his rounds making prostrations and chanting and lighting incense. They angrily confronted him and said something to the effect of "I thought Zen masters spit on Buddha statues, not venerate them by making bows, lighting incense and chanting." To which the Zen Master replied "If you want to spit. Spit, I prefer to bow."

The second Chapter of the Shobogenzo is a commentary about the Heart Sutra. It's a short sutra and it is really well known throughout Japan. Now to be clear that what I mean by well known here is not that people know what it means, just that people recognize it when it is being chanted and know it is the heart sutra. From my sampling of interviewing my Japanese wife's friends, I have come to think that very few people have a clue what even the words mean (Often due to them being chanted in Pinyin) and I think that even fewer people that have clarified the meaning of the Heart Sutra for them selves.

Of the people I asked, most seem to think it is some sort of Buddhist magical spell for health and prosperity. This reminds me very much of the situation thatoccurred in medieval Europe when the Catholic Church did not want the laypeople reading the bible.

In Dogen's Commentary he kindly walks the reader through the Heart sutra and admonishes:

"Remember, to receive and retain, to read and recite, and to think reasonably

about [prajnā] are just to guard prajnā. And to want to guard it is

to receive and retain it, to read and recite it, and so on."

And in closing he says:

"The realization of this prajnāpāramitā is the realization of buddha-bhagavats. We should inquire into it, and we should experience it. To serve offerings to it and to bow in veneration is just to serve and to attend buddha-bhagavats, and it is buddha-bhagavats in service and attendance."

(excerpts from Shobogenzo Book 1 Nishijima and Cross translation available here:http://www.numatacenter.com/default.aspx?MPID=81 )

Now there are two things I hope I have conveyed with this posting.

The first being that no, we do not have to make prostrations, light incense, or recite sutras, but we should.

The second being that we should not take thes actions mindlessly but look deeply into them, when we recite the Heart Sutra we should know the meaning is more important than the words and we should discuss it with good friends and clarify it for ourselves (and all sentient beings will benefit.) It has been my experience that this small sutra can be a wonderful support to practice and, coupled with Zazen, can lead to an awakening of our own inherent wisdom.

WRONG CONCEIT/ SITTING WITHOUT A NET

2009-09-30T18:08:00.000-07:00

E-mail post, kindly forgive formatting.

Beginning a sitting practice is tough work, particularly when we are
burdened with wrong conceit. Wrong conceit is the view that someone (either
self or other) is lower, higher or the same. Any of these views can be a
big hindrance to practice. I know because I have experienced this first
hand just observing my self. Especially when I hear someone say something
like "I practice sitting for 15 minutes a day" and my comparing mind goes to
work and tells me "oh I'm so much better than that." Or when some other
sitting champion says "I sit four times a day." And the comparing mind goes
to work and thinks: "Oh how can I compare to that, I'm not doing anything
compared to that." Or it can even be something like oh I'm sitting the same
as him so we are equals. I'm using sitting as an example but really this
can apply for any aspect of practice/life. Thoughts that we are better,
worse, or the same are not helpful and conversely can be harmful not only to
your own practice but also to others. Take a moment to think about it and
this becomes a no brainer, winning and losing can cause animosity, excessive
pride, frustration, etcetera. Saying someone is the same when they are not
can also cause animosity, excessive pride, frustration, etcetera. You have
probably seen this too. This path to salvation is not a competition.

Keeping that in mind, something I have enjoyed recently, and would like to
explore more, is sitting without a timer. Or allowing myself the room to
sit without any specific time allotted for it. It has really had a freeing
affect on my sitting. So I would like to recommend to everyone to try it
sometime, Not necessarily all the time.
But some time just don't rely on the clock, don't worry about the sitting
being long or short, if your legs get tired feel free to stretch out or take
a walk, forget about the rigid schedule and just enjoy the sitting doing
itself.

*A note to folks with families who are early morning sitters, I highly
recommend this be done waking up early in plenty of time for the family to
sleep away while you get your cushion squashing on, and you may run in to
problems getting to work on time if you try this on a work day morning.
Running late to work could lead you to not getting your lunch prepared on
time; which may lead to not getting the potatoes cooked prior to leaving;
which may lead to you trying to cook them in the lunch room in a
non-microwave safe dish; which may lead to a fire occurring in the microwave
which could be unpleasant in a number of ways.

If you have just started sitting-Zen there are some useful instructions to
be found here:

http://the-middle-way.org/gpage3.html

Dogen's Bible and Enlightened Teachers

2009-09-27T14:43:00.000-07:00

This is why I intend to gather together the few experiences I

had abroad, and to record the secrets of an enlightened teacher, so that they

may be heard by any practitioner who desires to hear them.

Shobogenzo Bendowa Nishijima and Cross translation

There has been a bit of scuttlebutt about internet teachers/communities versus real life flesh and blood teachers/communities that I caught wind of recently.

That, coupled with what ideas of mine of things like teachers and organizations that have been totally smashed, I would like to put forth that the argument either for and against is pretty lame.

First of I think this is a phenomenon that is primarily occurring in the western zen communities so that is where I'm coming from.

The first idea I'd like to smash is that there is a fundamental difference between the two.

Lets think about why we committed ourselves to this practice for a moment. It should not take very long. Most of us came to this practice because we know that something is not quite right and we want to get to the bottom of it. After a bit of practice most people (who are not mentally disabled, or acutely insane) figure out that it is themselves that is not right.

The more not right the person is or the more they are affected by this not rightness is frighteningly proportionate to how dedicated they are to the practice. So the most messed up people end up being zen teachers (or at least zen bloggers.) Just because they have become teachers doesn't mean that they have solved all of their problems either. From what I have seen Dharma transmission doesn't make someone a perfect human being. That goes for pretty much any of our zen sanghas weather online or physical here in the west. I'm sure there are exceptions, but the exceptions are pretty small and are likely not part of the echosphear. Anyone of these zen teachers who present themselves as being anything but a flawed human being is probably a U.S. Marine... unh no I mean a liar liar pants on fire. Yeah, they have likely been practicing for a while, they are likely well versed in dealing with their stuff (maybe) and most of them can actually be quite helpful in coming up with ways to help point you in the right direction for you deal with yours. You may even get really lucky and find a good friend that can point you to see things as they are instead of how you are.

In the interest of full disclosure, at the time of writing this, I have no pretty bolt of silk with a list of names on it to indicate I am a somebody in the zen community. After publishing this, I probably will never get one. Oh, I'd like one, but I think what I am doing right now is more important.

Ok, on to Dogen's bible, The Shobogenzo. While as my friend Ted pointed out it is only 95% complete, it is what Dogen left behind so that we could get the stuff from the guy who kicked off this whole tradition.

So, if you can get together with a group of folks, practice sitting-zen, and clarify the Shobogenzo for the benefit of all sentient beings (it's OK if your just doing it for yourself too, I think the sentient beings will benefit regardless), I think your going in the right direction. Along your way when the time is ripe, your probably going to run in to some guy or gal that might just help you out. They may not have anything to do with zen or be a kind of zen pariah, you may meet them in the flesh or out on the interwebs. But you are going to know when you meet your real teacher. I meet them everywhere.

Seasonal Sinus Infections and the True Dharma Eye Treasury

2009-09-24T09:42:00.001-07:00

The highs and lows of temperature changes really do cause some havoc on my
mucus membranes. This in turn causes all sorts of discomfort.

Its weird though. The Sinus trouble started when I noticed the anger demon
running out of steam. Its hard to tell how closely those two are connected.

I've started reading the Shobogenzo again. Having it in PDF format makes it
pretty convenient. If you don't already know you can get it at:
http://www.numatacenter.com/default.aspx?MPID=81

Its funny and bears repeating something I heard someone say but cant
remember it exactly, but the jist is like this: I read a chapter of the
Shobogenzo and think, oh, this is my favorite chapter, then I read another
and think oh this is my favorite chapter, then I read them all and say oh,
their all my favorite chapter. I also note that my "interpretation" changes
every time I read it. Or, maybe I should say, I interpret it less every
time I read it. Really a treasure. Hail!

I'm also in the middle of reading a book called "Zen Ritual." Its really
academic and I am not sure how helpful it has been for me although I did
allow it to get me riled up for a bit. I guess that's something.

DEATH

2009-09-20T19:32:00.000-07:00

The guy who wrote the "Shin Chan" Cartoons died.

Somehow this song comes to mind.

I hope they play it at my funeral.

IS NESS

2009-09-19T08:36:00.000-07:00

Isness?

Can isness really be written about?

Blinking light on a modem.

Dogs nails clicking on the pergo floor.

The realization that sox would be good to be wearing right now.

HUMILITY

2009-09-11T11:12:00.001-07:00

Humility is a tough concept for me.

Even when I get what some others may call "Humiliated" I still manage to
puff my chest up and either make excuses or say I'll do better next time.

For example, two days ago while participating in some Marine Corps Martial
Arts Program training I had the opportunity to grapple with a Black Belt
Instructor Trainer. Of course he balled me up and I found myself in the
position of being unable to do anything about it. For me being a guy who is
used to being in a position of authority this was pretty humiliating.

Naturally I immediately went to making excuses mode in my head, the ego
defending itself, after all, I am a desk jockey, and this guy trains the
guys who train the guys to be baddasses. My limited techniques were useless
against him...

Now of course this sounds reasonable and it is. But it is not real
humility.

The kind of humility I experienced this morning, sitting on my round cushion
alone in the living room. The sinking of the chest. The other things in my
brain housing unit reminding me of my other shortcomings, as a father, as a
teacher, as a mentor. Failure. Knowing my very best effort is going in the
wrong direction. Pushing others in the wrong direction. Don't get me wrong,
this is not a self pity party, I am not thoroughly depressed, and I am
taking the experience as a much needed insight. But yes, it sure does suck.

I take a little heart, because I know this is a good thing. But I have a
lot of thinking to do now.

What direction isn't wrong?

Or How do I apply what I know to not do wrong?

Where is the "everything just flows" that I hear comes with enlightenment?

Maybe this is not a public case.

All the evil Karma, born of my words, body, and mind since of old,
On account of greed, anger, and delusion which has no beginning,
I now openly avow.

CRANKY BUDDHA

2009-09-08T12:06:00.001-07:00

Dosho Port had a post recently that hit home for me.
(sorry no link, I'm e-mailing this post in so Google him)
He was talking about the Ten Oxhearding Pictures and stages along the path.

One of the things that came up was Crankiness. His description nailed it
because that is where I am. Some of the regular readers here may have
noticed before I did, but I guess I am in the process of fully realizing my
cranky nature. And of course allot those around me are fully realizing my
cranky nature as well.

So now I am examining my crankiness. Wow there are a lot of things that
make me cranky.

But my practice seems to have gone to recognizing crankiness when it arises,
looking at it and acknowledging it (Oh, I'm cranky! Or Hello crankiness,
how are you?) and identifying the source of the crankiness, and addressing
the crankiness in a constructive manner (as opposed to the ruthless manner I
habitually respond with.)

For example:

This morning we had a late day to come in to work. I was sitting on my end
of the coffee table at my laptop reading some of my morning blogs and I
noted crankiness. Not at the blogs but with my surroundings. A pile of
papers had accumulated
to one side of the laptop, and in the corner there was just a pile of what
looked like miscellaneous junk in a space that I prefer to have neat and
clean. I inhibited the desire to just toss all the offending articles into
the trash can. Carefully sorted through it. Put stuff away and tossed only
what needed to be tossed, organized the stuff that was rightly there and
made the area presentable. Sounds pretty normal eh. But after going trough
this exercise I noted that the crankiness had largely dissipated. That is
until I notices the toothpaste splatter on the bathroom wall next to the
sink. Oh well, more opportunities for practice.

What's your Buddhist name? (for fun)

2009-08-31T20:29:00.000-07:00

I got sent this by a friend, Since the name I was given upon ordination with is vulgar when written in romagi (Roamanized japanese), I found this kind of funny:

My Buddhist name is Superlative Immovable Demon King. What's yours?

Name calling

2009-08-28T15:55:00.000-07:00

Thanks to http://punditkitchen.com/ for this one.

A VOID

2009-08-24T09:39:00.000-07:00

A void, not the void, although I am sure they are closely related.
But I have had a sinking suspicion that there is a big void in my practice
lately.

I know when I look deeply at it there are a lot of things I have allowed to
drop off.

For example I have not made time to play the flute very often and I don't do
all of the gathas that I used to. But I don't think that is it.

The demon I thought I had subdued a while back that prompted the last name
change of this blog seems to be out an about, frolicking in the field of my
life and relationships. Snapping at anyone who happens by. Casting
judgments on every thing. Creating arguments and distractions.

Three steps forward two steps back or so the song goes, lately it has felt
more like two steps forward three steps back.

Taking a look at some old stuff offered by Kosho Uchiyama Roshi in the last
formal talk he gave at Antaiji, on February 23, 1975.

1 Study and practice the Buddha-dharma only for the sake of the
Buddha-dharma, not for the sake of human emotions and worldly ideas.
2 Zazen is the most venerable and only true teacher.
3 Zazen must work concretely in our daily lives as the two practices (vow
and repentance), the three minds (magnanimous mind, parental mind, and
joyful mind), and as the realization of the saying, "Gaining is delusion,
losing is enlightenment."
4 Live by vow and root it deeply.
5 Realizing that development and backsliding are your responsibility alone,
endeavor to practice and develop.
6 Sit silently for ten years, then for ten more years, and then for another
ten years.
7 Cooperate with one another and aim to create a place where sincere
practitioners can practice without trouble.

I went off course right from the start.
Time to try again.

More Zen Dialogs

2009-08-20T12:59:00.001-07:00

Over the last few days my father was up from Texas and helped mend the fence among other things.

After he left I was trying to complete one of the projects he started and needed the hammer to continue.

I looked in every spot I remembered him working in and a few others I didn't with no luck.

The four year old Zen master (Iris) became interested in what I was doing and I said aloud to myself "If I were grandpa, where would I put the hammer?" Iris then answered "If I were grandpa I wouldn't put the hammer anywhere, I would just relax!"

Later, still looking for the hammer, I asked her again "Iko, where is the hammer?"

She replied "I know!... Its Nowhere!"

Still later. "Iris, have you seen the hammer?" She says: "I don't know where the hammer is so you need to find it yourself."

Wisest of all perhaps though was my wife, who tired of my looking for the hammer which is apparently nowhere, asked the question: "How much is an hour your time worth, and how much does a hammer cost?"

ENCOUNTER DIALOG

2009-08-17T04:16:00.000-07:00

I get tired of the old koans, here is a new one:

Transmited Zen Teacher (TZT): Bla Bla Bla(say some things that show a lack of effort or interest) could you do this thing for me I am trying to promote myself and I could use some free help. Oh and I have this other famous guy visiting, you should visit too.

Zen Nobody (ZN): [Thinking]Wow, you got the facts about my life wrong. It would be pretty easy to get correct if you were even paying the slightest attention. I feel kind of bad for you sucking so much so I’ll help you out even though I don’t think I like you or what you do. I really want to be polite.

TZT: Thanks for posting that. I saw your comment.

Well, okay. But I think you need to free your mind about what is and is not possible in practice and through Sangha.

Anyway, thank you again,

Gassho, TZT

ZN: Were is my mind?

TZT: Look in the glove compartment

ZN: You suck at Zen.

THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER

2009-08-14T11:56:00.000-07:00

I got a taste of that good ole dissatisfaction this morning.

Got a good look at my thought process too.

The situation was that I had a mission to accomplish which requires two
people and I did not have a qualified assistant on hand. Enter
dis-satisfaction.

Then I continued down that road thinking ah at my next command I will have a
whole squad of qualified people sitting right outside my hatch.

There is a saying in the Marine corps, and it might go like this in other
services too, that the two best duty stations in the world are the one you
just came from and the one you are about to go to. But it is almost never
the place you are right now.

That is exactly where I was.

Lost in the world of "it wasn't like this in the old place and it won't be
like this in the next place."

I have to think that if it is so that human beings are wired for
dissatisfaction than Marines (particularly my self) are doubly so.

There is a strong desire for perfection that courses through our veins when
it comes to our work. And rightly so I should add. If we went around all
blissed out and happy all the time I suspect we just wouldn't be the Marines
for much longer. We need the disgruntled Gunny to step in and destroy
peoples carefully built houses so that they can rebuild them into new better
and more efficient ones.

But what is most important is dealing with and appreciating the situation at
hand as it is not how I want it to be.

Hard to remember some times. But I think it is important.

Speaking of dissatisfaction; in "Other" news; Jim "Jundo" Cohen asked me to
mention this announcement for the upcoming Jukai and 100-day Ango at
Treeleaf ... of course, "ALL ONLINE".

There is an article on it here: http://www.shambhalasun.com/news/?p=4618

I know some of the readers here may not appreciate Jundo or what he does
however I have thought about this and I do think there is some merit in what
he does even if it is only for an individual to realize that what he is
doing doesn't work in his or her circumstances. On the other hand, it may
be a persons only link to a similarly minded community. This is why I pray
for his merit.

But seriously, if you are in a remote location with no teacher available
there are human beings well versed in the Buddha Dharma that you can
communicate with right here on the inter nets. But be for warned the
mileage you get from them may differ from what someone else gets. I am sure
that has something to do with what kind of driver you are or something.

That's all for now folks, tune in next time when I have the realization that
up is down and black is white! Or that if I leave my shoes out the cat
destroys them or something else.

OH, HEY! HOW ABOUT A POST!

2009-08-12T21:27:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all out there in blogsville.

I know I have not written in a while. My advertisers have sent me e-mails telling me to post something. Which I find pretty laughable since I have not seen a cent from them yet.

But for those of you who haven't heard mother Marine Corps thinks her children arn't responcible enough to blog on company time without unless one is willing to jump through hoops to get a waiver, so your writing can be scrutinized by a bunch of people who don't know you prior to disapproval, and it better be work related and so on and so on.

Actually it was a good call on mother Corps part though. Productivity across the Marine Corps is probably way up (actually mine is, even though I usually blogged on lunch [or at least non-productive] time) and I am sure that was the main goal of this push since if people want to expose OPSEC they can do that just fine via e-mail or their home PC.

Any way... i was going to write something Buddhisty...

I am hungry, its late, I'm going for some samosa.

GREAT AND NOBLE

2009-08-03T09:41:00.000-07:00

(E-mail post, please forgive formatting issues)

Set the alarm for 0430 this morning after deciding last week that I needed
to get back into the old routine.
When it went off I decided that Monday was a bad day to start that off and
reset it for 0530.

Wrapped myself in a newly made Kesa prior to sitting this morning.
I totally botched the measurements and it is about half a meter too wide.
My End gaining and not paying attention to the means whereby exposed.

Non-listening to a Dharma talk podcast on the way to work this morning I had
this thought, "What can I do to serve the Buddha, Dharma, And Sangha today?"

At least I fed the cat.
I suppose it is often just like that.
Helen Keller once said:

"I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to
accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble."

She was a person who I imagine had to pay great care to the means whereby.

Lots of bodily tension lately. The cause is pretty obvious. I have orders
and I am totally unprepared for them.
And the amount of stuff "to do" is monumental.

Chip, chip, chip away. What will I do today?

Hard to rest in what is with the knowledge that it soon wont be.
Maybe that's the truth of impermanence.

Shaving the head again and again, these bonds of attachment are hard to cut.

ANGRY ZAZEN NON-ANGRY ZAZEN

2009-07-26T10:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was resistant to everything.

Irritable. I did not want to hear the noise of life and the goings on around me.

I was mad at myself for sleeping in and not getting to sit before the world woke up and started doing all of those things that distract me.

Today I slept in as well. But I just accepted the wife’s clackity clack on the keyboard, the kids running about playing and fighting. The noise from outside. The TV turned up too loud.

Experiencing resistance, I often find that I want to run away from it all. Go off to some mountain retreat and shut out the world.

Experiencing acceptance I find I am deeply in love with every little thing. Even the airplane flying overhead and the neighbor practicing the drums as I sit., a crying child rushing to my lap as I type.

Memorial service "Shifty Powers"

2009-07-21T15:09:00.001-07:00

<i>I am not the original author of this, not sure who was. But I thought it
important enough to post. It's an e-mail post so sorry if the formatting
gets messed up.</i>

I know we get information faster than a flash now days emails attacking like
a bunch of screaming communist in Korea but take a break from the madness of
mikal Jacksons doctors dogs chew toy news and read this. Its good to respect
the ones who made this great country what it is. These are the great
Americans who worked thru the depression and fought WWII to return and
create the greatest economy in history, lets not piss it away...
We're hearing a lot today about big splashy memorial services. I want a
nationwide memorial service for Darrell "Shifty" Powers.

Shifty volunteered for the airborne in WWII and served with Easy Company of
the 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment, part of the 101st Airborne Infantry.
If you've seen Band of Brothers on HBO or the History Channel, you know
Shifty. His character appears in all 10 episodes, and Shifty himself is
interviewed in several of them.

I met Shifty in the Philadelphia airport several years ago. I didn't know
who he was at the time. I just saw an elderly gentleman having trouble
reading his ticket. I offered to help, assured him that he was at the right
gate, and noticed the "Screaming Eagle", the symbol of the 101st Airborne,
on his hat. Making conversation, I asked him if he'd been in the 101st
Airborne or if his son was serving. He said quietly that he had been in the
101st. I thanked him for his service, then asked him when he served, and how
many jumps he made.

Quietly and humbly, he said "Well, I guess I signed up in 1941 or so, and
was in until sometime in 1945 . . . " at which point my heart skipped. At
that point, again, very humbly, he said "I made the 5 training jumps at
Toccoa, and then jumped into Normandy . . . do you know where Normandy is?"
At this point my heart stopped.

I told him yes, I know exactly where Normandy was, and I know what D-Day
was. At that point he said "I also made a second jump into Holland , into
Arnhem ." I was standing with a genuine war hero . . . . and then I realized
that it was June, just after the anniversary of D-Day. I asked Shifty if he
was on his way back from France , and he said "Yes. And it's real sad
because these days so few of the guys are left, and those that are, lots of
them can't make the trip." My heart was in my throat and I didn't know what
to say. I helped Shifty get onto the plane and then realized he was back in
Coach, while I was in First Class. I sent the flight attendant back to get
him and said that I wanted to switch seats. When Shifty came forward, I got
up out of the seat and told him I wanted him to have it, that I'd take his
in coach. He said "No, son, you enjoy that seat. Just knowing that there are
still some who remember what we did and still care is enough to make an old
man very happy." His eyes were filling up as he said it. And mine are
brimming up now as I write this.
Shifty died on June 17 after fighting cancer.

There was no parade.
No big event in Staples Center .

No wall to wall back to back 24x7 news coverage.

No weeping fans on television.

And that's not right.

Let's give Shifty his own Memorial Service, online, in our own quiet way.
Please forward this email to everyone you know. Especially to the veterans.

Rest in peace, Shifty.

"A nation without heroes is nothing."
Roberto Clemente

"We must not let our rulers load us with perpetual debt. We must make our
election between economy and liberty or profusion and servitude. If we run
into such debt, as that we must be taxed in our meat and in our drink, in
our necessaries and our comforts, in our labors and our amusements, for our
calling and our creeds...[we will] have no time to think, no means of
calling our miss-managers to account but be glad to obtain subsistence by
hiring ourselves to rivet their chains on the necks of our
fellow-sufferers...."

- THOMAS JEFFERSON.

Memorial Service "Shifty Powers"

2009-07-21T14:11:00.000-07:00

Shifty volunteered for the airborne in WWII and served with Easy Company of
the 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment, part of the 101st Airborne Infantry.
If you've seen Band of Brothers on HBO or the History Channel, you know
Shifty. His character appears in all 10 episodes, and Shifty himself is
interviewed in several of them.

I met Shifty in the Philadelphia airport several years ago. I didn't know
who he was at the time. I just saw an elderly gentleman having trouble
reading his ticket. I offered to help, assured him that he was at the right
gate, and noticed the "Screaming Eagle", the symbol of the 101st Airborne,
on his hat. Making conversation, I asked him if he'd been in the 101st
Airborne or if his son was serving. He said quietly that he had been in the
101st. I thanked him for his service, then asked him when he served, and how
many jumps he made.

Quietly and humbly, he said "Well, I guess I signed up in 1941 or so, and
was in until sometime in 1945 . . . " at which point my heart skipped. At
that point, again, very humbly, he said "I made the 5 training jumps at
Toccoa, and then jumped into Normandy . . . do you know where Normandy is?"
At this point my heart stopped.

I told him yes, I know exactly where Normandy was, and I know what D-Day
was. At that point he said "I also made a second jump into Holland , into
Arnhem ." I was standing with a genuine war hero . . . . and then I realized
that it was June, just after the anniversary of D-Day. I asked Shifty if he
was on his way back from France , and he said "Yes. And it's real sad
because these days so few of the guys are left, and those that are, lots of
them can't make the trip." My heart was in my throat and I didn't know what
to say. I helped Shifty get onto the plane and then realized he was back in
Coach, while I was in First Class. I sent the flight attendant back to get
him and said that I wanted to switch seats. When Shifty came forward, I got
up out of the seat and told him I wanted him to have it, that I'd take his
in coach. He said "No, son, you enjoy that seat. Just knowing that there are
still some who remember what we did and still care is enough to make an old
man very happy." His eyes were filling up as he said it. And mine are
brimming up now as I write this.
Shifty died on June 17 after fighting cancer.

There was no parade.
No big event in Staples Center .

No wall to wall back to back 24x7 news coverage.

No weeping fans on television.

And that's not right.

Let's give Shifty his own Memorial Service, online, in our own quiet way.
Please forward this email to everyone you know. Especially to the veterans.

Rest in peace, Shifty.

"A nation without heroes is nothing."
Roberto Clemente

"We must not let our rulers load us with perpetual debt. We must make our
election between economy and liberty or profusion and servitude. If we run
into such debt, as that we must be taxed in our meat and in our drink, in
our necessaries and our comforts, in our labors and our amusements, for our
calling and our creeds...[we will] have no time to think, no means of
calling our miss-managers to account but be glad to obtain subsistence by
hiring ourselves to rivet their chains on the necks of our
fellow-sufferers...."

- THOMAS JEFFERSON.

Frog?

2009-07-19T13:43:00.001-07:00

Water trickles into the green lined pond.

Fish hiding under the rocks.

Red dragonfly circles and flys off.

Buddha is holding a bunch of rocks.

Neighbor practices on the drums

A plane flys by.

A family of birds chattering about.

A wasp visits the pond for a drink

Where is the frog? The splash?

Does anyone even remember it?

Typed out with my thumbs on my phone.

A LITTLE BLOG POST

2009-07-13T21:01:00.000-07:00

Light three joss sticks.
Plant them in the sand one at a time.
Homage to the Buddha
Homage to the Dharma
Homage to the sangha.

Palms together, Bow.

Bow to the little round cushion, again with palms together.
Kids are already sitting.
Sit, start the timer.
Three bells. Bow.

The smallest one gets up and starts hopping around.

Stands behind her sister and does an about face, farts loudly and hops away bouncing about the house.

The bigger one voices her dissatisfaction with the little ones actions.

“Just sit.”

“Daddy can I have a Zazen dako?

“Not yet. “

The little one is still bounding around the house.

“Daddy, Just five minuets left, can I have a Zazen Dako Now?”

“OK”

Two bells, the small one rushes to her cushion and sits.

Bows together.

“Thank you girls for sitting with me.”

“Can we watch TV now?”

“OK.”

A simple melody on the flute.

Watch the fish swim in the pond.

An e-mail to Mom.

a little blog post.